How Self-Love Elevates Your Life
I have written this article to help everyone understand and internalize the true meaning of self-love and self-worth. I believe that loving yourself is healthy because it helps you live in a balanced way. Without this understanding you cannot possibly form lasting relationships or give others the consideration they deserve.
There is a verse in the Bible that talks about loving your neighbor as yourself, and it is my contention that you do just that. You love others to the extent that you are able to love yourself. It’s all you know. Your actions are based on the way you were treated growing up, and how you continue to put the pieces of your life back together. Mixed messages from people of authority say you have value while others paint an opposite picture. Persons who grew up in a dysfunctional household may be able to relate to this.
My father was an alcoholic who viewed the world as a dicey game that ended poorly because he believed he had bad luck. He spent his life blaming others for all the hard blows he was dealt early in life. As the oldest child, born premature and early in the marriage, he never accepted me as his own; he viewed me as some other man’s child he was forced to raise. A shy child, I was an easy target for him to attack; that way he never had to look within himself for answers.
Even though I tried to win him over, my father’s continual put downs and attacks made it difficult for me to build a healthy self-esteem. He put a huge nail in my emotional coffin when I turned eleven by finally admitting that he didn’t love me. But that wasn’t all to my story. Where my father rejected me, my loving mother and grandparents, saved me from complete self-criticism and denial. Their beliefs that I had a place in the world and that I could do things right, offered me a different view of myself.
***
Where adults are able to filter and accept messages as needed, as a child, you cannot. At birth, your brain’s prefrontal cortex, in charge of reasoning and personality is unprotected. Because you cannot handle the emotional pain, every time you are wounded, you outsource a piece of your personality which takes on a life of its own. Until the approximate age of seven, you see the world in black and white terms. You internalize and believe what authority figures tell you, and begin to mirror back your influencers’ perceptions and insufficiencies. The maturity process continues into the teenage years; however, you still may defend or take to heart, the negative messages you hear. Framing it this way may help you understand the dangers that bullying can have on a child or teenager.
This developmental process continues until your brain matures sometime in your mid-twenties to thirties, which is when you begin to solve problems better and communicate with others. But what happens to those subconscious beliefs you acquired in childhood? Unless healed, they are accepted and acted upon in related situations, like dating or parenting. They can also show up in the workplace. So, what is the solution?
***
If you are dealing with confusing messages and behaviors, seek professional help, instead of handling life on your own. Because there are a myriad of therapists, counselors, and healers to choose from, as well as Methods like EMDR, Hypnosis, Tapping, Quantum, or more, I encourage you to do your research and find one that works best for you.
I use a Conversational Method in Quantum sessions to help you find and heal fragmented aspects of yourself which are holding onto unhealed memories. Releasing these painful blocks or associations helps you gain wholeness and find life satisfaction. It gives you the tools you need to change your focus from sadness to compassionate self-love and understanding.
As Gabor Mate, retired physician says, "remember, bad experiences don’t make you bad."
I look forward to discussing this important work with you, please go to my contact page to email me.
“Let today be the day you love yourself enough to no longer just dream of a better life; let it be the day you act on it.” -Steve Maraboli
Source: At What Age is the Brain Fully Developed, Mental Health Daily, https://mentalhealthdaily.com/2015/02/18/at-what-age-is-the-brain-fully-developed/
***
A personal development speaker and healer, Cynthia Hazel, M.A. is an adult child of an alcoholic. Because she understands how mixed messages can negatively affect a person’s self-esteem, she has devoted herself to self-healing and has made it her mission to help others understand they are worthy of love and capable of living a balanced life.
